If Tiger could write...

To: The Girl

Dear Girl,

I wanted to write you a letter telling you all about my habits and preferences, so you could understand me better. And that way, you would like me as much as I like you! So, let me begin.

When you come outside in the morning, and you say, "Don't jump on de momma", it's really hard for me to obey. See, I like to greet you and say hello. And dancing around is my way of showing you how happy I am to see you. And no one will notice if I get a little speck of mud on you. Really who cares?

Secondly, don't sweep away the beautiful things I bring up onto the porch. I'm starting a collection! I'm going to charge admission and when the neighbor dogs pay, I'll get fat and rich. But, Girl, I'll let you see everything for free. As often as you want! That's why I brought that deer skull, the stick, the cake of mud, and the charred bottle, so close. For YOUR benefit. By the way, you're probably wondering where that skull comes from... Ha, there's a good story, only it's a secret. I'm sorry.

Thirdly, while I'm sure you mean well, you don't understand this point either, when you work with the cows and try to sort them. I like to help you! And when you go squirrel hunting, then I'll help you too! I know you tell me to go chase the squirrels, but if you're not chasing them, why should I? But when you are chasing something, like cows, then I like to help YOU! I know you'd appreciate my help if you only understood me better.

Another thing, if you would play with me more, I wouldn't need to go elsewhere for companions. See, the cows don't like to play with me. And when you're busy, I like to go around and look for friends. Like the time you were driving home and found me walking down the road with those little boys? Well, they were so nice. And they liked being my friends. And plus, if i wouldn't go keep the neighbors company and keep up the relationship, who would? It's not my fault if the neighbors panic and call you and laugh when you try to catch me. And then when you do catch me, don't tie me up or run me. Just pat my head. By the way Girl, I like to run. When you take me out on the 4-wheeler, and drop me off. I like to run home; sometimes though it breaks my concentration when you yell encouragement. But I like it. Only, I'd like it more if I had another dog to run with. Why don't you get a few more? They'd provide companionship for me.

That's about all for now Girl, I'd like if you would reply soon though. I'm sure we can be better friends if we just try. Thank you.

From: Tiger.